Part 15: Everywhere I Go, People Are Always Trying To Kill Me

Oh, I wonder what’s going to happen in this chapter?


OVERWORLD MUSIC: “The Continent of Nadias” (Disc 1, Track 15)

We kick things off in this chapter by heading into the Lagnish Desert.


CUTSCENE: Entering the Desert
CUTSCENE / AREA MUSIC: “Lagnish Desert” (Disc 1, Track 24)


And of course, the party is not at all equipped to be travelling through the goddamn desert. Yulie is already about to pass out from heat exhaustion. Orren? Hah. The guy’s wearing a turtleneck sweater, a leather jacket and a fur muffler, but the heat don’t bother him.

…Because having the Avatar emote in any possible way is a big no-no in this game.

Yulie: Urgh. It’s hot…


Leonard: Better get used to it, Yulie.


Eldore: Albana is not as far as you might think, but there are monsters in these sands. We’ll have to keep our strength up for the battles ahead.
Leonard: Yeah, we know!

Ah, Leonard and Petulance, two things that go together like Piss and Off.


Orren: Okay, let’s get this over with. The less time I spend in Albana, the better.


So this is the Lagnish Desert. It’s a desert. It reminds me a lot of the Dalmasca Easterlands and the Ogir/Nan Yensa Sandseas from FFXII.


There are three new enemies here in the desert at this point. The first is a brand new enemy type: Scorpions. There are four versions of these guys, one per element. This one is the earth elemental one. They’re weak against impact attacks like Lunging Strike.

At higher levels they have a nasty habit of casting Physical Barrier on themselves when they're near death which makes them temporarily immune to physical attacks for a certain amount of time.


Also present here are Killer Vespids, the first Vespid pallet swap we encounter. These guys are just stronger versions of the regular Vespids from Balastor Plain. Same weaknesses apply: stab the fuckers to get them to stop chasing you all over the map.


There are also two giant enemies we encounter in the Desert at this point. The first of which is the Fire Giant. These guys are really well disguised Troll pallet swaps. They’re vulnerable to stabbing attacks and they run on the same animation rigging as the Trolls do.

Fire Giants, as you could very well assume, are strong against fire attacks and weak against ice attack.


The last new enemy for this section of the game is the Megalo Tigris. These are the giant hound enemies that will be popping up from place to place from here on out. You can see it’s got three heads like Cerberus (which is the name of the fire-type version of these guys).

These guys are weak against slashing attacks, and Megalo Tigris in particular is a wind elemental monster, so it’s weak against earth attacks.


And that’s it for our bestiary for this chapter… for now.


Leonard: Ugh… Cisna…
Orren: What the fuck? REALLY?!
Yulie: Leonard! Keep muttering like that and you’re gonna trip over something.
Yulie: _{Like my fist.}
Eldore: Get yer head out of the clouds, boy!

Sadly, moments of “other characters verbally bitchslapping Leonard when he’s being stupid/creepy” like this decline over the course of the game, though his prominence in the game also declines over time too, so it's begrudgingly acceptable trade off.


Cutscene incoming.


CUTSCENE:The Gates of Albana

I feel like “A Horse With No Name” should be playing right now.




Oh, I was mistaken apparently, the Avatar is permitted to emote occasionally. Serves you right for wearing a heavy sweater and a bomber jacket into the goddamn desert.

Orren is dumb.

…Wait.


Leonard, meanwhile, is lagging behind a little


Leonard: Water…
Orren: “Better get used to it,” huh?
Leonard: Just… shut up…
Yulie: Look! Over there!


Oh thank god, we’re here.


Eldore: Albana. Where the welcomes are as hostile as the desert.
Eldore: You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.


CUTSCENE: The Desert Town of Albana
CUTSCENE / AERA MUSIC: “Albana, the Desert Town” (Disc 1, Track 25)


Albana, despite being in the middle of an inhospitable desert, is a bustling little metropolis and the largest trading hub on the continent of Nadias, doing routine business with both the Kingdom of Balandor to the northwest and the Free City of Greede to the south. It’s not exactly Rabanastre or Mos Eisley, but for the amount of time we’re going to be here across both games, it’s better than a kick in the ass.








Yulie: Wow, this place is hopping.
Orren: “Hopping.” Heh. Yeah… Godsdamn toads.

Can you tell I hate the Toads? Don’t worry, you’ll see why soon enough.


Leonard: Sooo… What now?

Because Leonard never comes up with a plan of his own. Actually he does, occasionally, but they all backfire on him (and at times, the player).


Eldore: First we need to find out if anyone’s seen any black monoships.


Leonard: Right.

Because Leonard needs to be handed the obvious answer.


Orren: To the bar then. I need a stiff drink anyway…


Albana is an interesting town compared to Balandor and Parma, to say the very least. I really like how ramshackle and dusty it is.


It kind of reminds me of the Holy Land cities from the first Assassin’s Creed, by way of a clichéd kitschy fantasy JRPG.


Eldore: If the Magi were here, someone must have spotted that ship of theirs.
Leonard: How could they miss it?
Yulie: It’s far too big to hide, that’s for sure.


CUTSCENE: The Dancer

So an idiot walks into a bar…




Cue Star Wars Cantina theme.


Dash Rendar: So then after I blew up an AT-ST—on foot no less!—I hoped in my Outrider and flew through an asteroid field blowing up like 300 TIE Fighters, and then I stuck my head out the window and shot down a Star Destroyer. All by myself, no less! And I shot down Slave I and Boba Fett while flying on a jetpack! And then I trudged through a sewer and blew up this lizard guy’s mansion, and then I blew up his space station, and then… Where’s everyone going?


Blind Sally has been waiting 2 months for that joke…


So it looks like instead of slipping in quietly and finding a table in the corner somewhere, Leonard’s bursting in through the front door has attracted quite a bit of attention from the barflies.


A lot of attention. Way to go, idiot.


But enough about that, here’s an actual interesting character for you all: a hot dancing chick.


CUTSCENE MUSIC: “Kara the Dancer” (Disc 1, Track 26)




This is another scene Level-5 actually hit the button on. It’s a scene of our mysterious dancing lady doing the cha-cha to an upbeat mandolin ditty that’s motion captured and choreographed quite well.

I am now going to vomit about 500 screenshots of it on you because I’m too lazy to make any gifs of it.

Sorry.














Though really, if you scroll down through this part fast enough, it’ll at least look like an animated gif.












They blew half their budget and spent half their development cycle just making her dress move realistically.




God-DAMN, Level-5, some actual effort. Nice work.






















The crowd seems to be enjoying things. What about you folks?

I admit, this is really one that benefits from watching the video.





























I swear like half the pictures in this update are shots of her dancing. I am so sorry for that. No, not really.




And as she dances away in the background, we transition back to the party, who have found a table in the corner.


Leonard is busy drooling over the exotic pretty lady, all thoughts of Cisna temporarily vacated from his head.


Yulie: Hmm? Leonard?!


Yulie: Should I ask her if she’s single?


Dayum, gurl.


Leonard: Oh! Uh! No! It’s not that!


Leonard: It’s just she’s so… flexible.
Orren: Wow…


Eldore: We’ll attract too much attention if we move in a group. Right?
Orren: Yeah, that ship’s already sailed, Eldore.


Leonard: Got it.


Orren: Try not to start a bar brawl.


So now we get to run around the room and talk to everyone.


Thankfully, these are all captioned in-game, so I don’t have to write anything for them.

For the sake of each one, just imagine Leonard repeatedly going:

Leonard: Hey, I’m Leonard, I have a cool White Knight and I’m looking for my girlfriend, Princess Cisna. She was captured by the Magi. Have you seen a black monoship anywhere? I’m trying to find the Magi. Because I have the White Knight. I’m Leonard.


White Knight Chronicles just referenced 2001: A Space Odyssey. That makes me angry. Because I could be watching 2001: A Space Odyssey right now instead of typing out this crap for the sake of this game.






Ew. I’m leaving now.






Orren: I’m not talking to you unless I have to. Scram.










People in this town have low standards.
















Leonard: Subtle…


CUTSCENE: Barroom Brawl


Leonard: Urgh. It’s no good.


Leonard: No one’s talking.


Eldore: Wait. Notice something else unusual?
Yulie: Well, actually… It does kind of feel like we’re being watched.


Leonard: Maybe it’s just because we’re strangers here?


Eldore: Not a chance, lad.


The music picks up again as our sultry dancer lady continues her routine.












Suddenly, she leaps from the stage. I have a feeling here she’s not sticking to her regular act any more.






She comes down off the dias and starts weaving through the crowd.




As she dances around the room, the crowd gets more and more worked up.




She moves closer and closer to Leonard’s table.


Alarm bells should be going off like crazy right now, yet Leonard is absolutely captivated by her. Orren, meanwhile, is blissfully smiling because he knows that he’s about to A) probably see Leonard get murdered, and B) by a smoking hot woman, no less.






My friends tell me I should run…


They say they think she’s got a gun…


But that just only turns me on…


Right on, right on, right oooooooon…









Leonard’s internal monologue: Duur


She reaches behind her back and…


OH SHIT! SHE’S GOT A KNIFE!






Leonard: I TOTALLY DID NOT SEE THIS COMING!

Also, if you’re reading this on the LP Archive, thank you so much for clicking this game’s promo blurb.


I love how Orren’s just in the background looking mildly shocked.

Orren: Meh. Had to happen eventually.




Leonard just bails right out of the way.


Orren: Well, this is new …-ish.


Orren: I say DON’T start a bar fight—


Orren: And what do you do?




Orren: Start a godsdamn BAR FIGHT!


Leonard jumps and does a barrel roll in midair.










And now the crowd gets in on it, making it a free-for-all. This schmuck tries to plough a chair into Leonard’s back, WWE-style.


I don’t know where the hell Leonard the Badass Action Hero has come from, but it’s a welcome change from Leonard the Personification of Failure.

…It’s not going to last.


Orren: I will get out of my chair, but not do any actual fighting.


This schmuck whips out a sword and tries to slice Leonard in two.




But again, because it’s a T-rated game, he misses every time and draws no blood.






And now we go into Zach Snyder territory as Leonard shoulder-checks this poor bastard so hard it sends him not just soaring through the air, but soaring through the air in SLOW MOTION!

Also note how his sword goes flying in the opposite direction.








Eldore: DENIED!








Eldore too has developed time-warping powers, as he flings this guy into a table WWE-style in SLOW MOTION!




Winner by knockout: ELDORE!










God, lady, would it kill you to try a little harder?


Uh oh.




YULIE SMASH!

Also note Orren just standing there in the background in a fighting pose, yet doing nothing.




…Uh oh.


Oh I guess he died then.


Yulie: That’s right! What you say? That’s right! NOTHING!


Yulie: WOO!


Yulie: FUCK YEAH!

I just love these little “Yulie moments.” She’s the most human party member we’ve got so far.


Leonard, meanwhile, grabs the sword of the guy he shoulder-checked into the stratosphere.


The tables have turned!




Or not. Because Leonard suddenly can’t fight for shit anymore again.




Up and over.


Once again this part is in SLOW MOTION! Just so you get the chance to see our dancer assassin gracefully flip over Leonard’s shoulder and to see all his little facial expressions.


Like this one.


And of course, he gets an eyeful of her cleavage before she cartwheels away.



















Well shit…


Yulie: Aaaah, looks like we’re surrounded.
Leonard: What did I do?!
Orren: Well, I could pull out the list…


Assassin: You! Step outside!




CUTSCENE: We Want You Dead.


This does not look good.


Leonard: We didn’t do anything to you, or your friends! What do you want with us?!


Assassin: Hrumph. Need I spell it out?


Assassin: You’re all looks and no smarts, pretty boy.

Translation: Leonard is dumb.

I should also point out for the benefit of those not bothering to watch to watch the accompanying cutscens (ie: everyone, apparently) that our mysterious dancer/assassin speaks with a thick Spanish accent.

This will be a plot point eventually, though you wouldn’t know it at first.


Assassin: Simple. We want you dead.




Leonard: Urgh!
Eldore: Leonard! Careful. She’s got an ace up her sleeve.
Orren: Yeah, it’s called an angry mob. …And she’s not even wearing any sleeves!


Assassin: Take them out!


There needs to be like an explosion or a lens flare behind her or something.


Yulie: I’ve beat up monsters a lot prettier than you!

Oooooooooooooooooooooooo…

Never change, Yulie.


Assassin: Kill the purple-haired one first!
Yulie: _Shit.


So this is one of the only battles in the duology where we actually fight human enemies with faces instead of helmet-headed mooks or Named Characters.


There’s about eight of them, one for each weapon type. They all attack at once and they have some first tier spells, but they’re all rather weak, even in a standard new game.


The point of the fight is to rough you up before you face the assassin.


CUTSCENE: Adveni!




The Good, The Bad, and the Stupid.




This will not end well somehow, I know it.


Leonard suddenly feels something strange.

I can’t really convey this in this medium, as it’s done in one of those clichéd sudden zoom in, zoom out with heartbeat sound effect shots.

Dumbass doesn’t even have the decency make a strange face or anything.




Leonard: Eldore!
Eldore: You sense it too? There’s something very different about that woman.


Assassin: I see you know how to fight.


She reaches behind her again.


Assassin: Bravo.


Assassin: But we’re not through yet!

Oh shit, she’s gonna challenge us to a game of Yu-Gi-Oh!. Okay then. Bring it bitch.

It’s time to du—du du du du du du du du du du du du du du du du du du du

Orren: SHUT UP!!!


Assassin: Arise, Mega-Ultra Chicken!


Assassin: ADVENI!

Language gloss: As we’ve pointed out already, “Verto” is the Latin first person singular present declarative verb meaning "I turn". "Adveni" is the declarative from of 'venio', meaning ‘come here’ (or specifically 'come(venio) at(ad)'.

h/t: ultrafilter


















Cocaine’s a hell of a drug.






And suddenly a pillar of light comes shooting out of her cleavage.


















Suddenly the dancer is gone, and this… thing… is there in her place.


I don’t know what’s going on any more.














Gigas: RAAAAAAAH!


What, just “Gigas”? No witty subtitle?

For shame, game. For shame.




Yulie: What is THAT?!


Leonard: Is that—


Leonard: Hey! Is that another Knight?
Orren: Nah. That transformation sequence was too understated to be a Knight.


Eldore: No. That is a gigas.

NOTE: Eldore actually pronounces it phonetically correctly as “Yeegas.” Interesting. I’m not going to do that.


Yulie: A gigas?


Eldore: A beast summoned from the magic plane.


Eldore: The Pactmaker surrenders her body and the beast’s power enters her flesh.


Eldore: Beast and human then fuse into one.




Leonard: I’m still confused by all this Knight stuff. Don’t make it worse.

You and the whole audience, kid.


Yulie: Figure it out later, Leonard! Right now, we need your Knight!

As usual, Yulie is the only one with her head in the game.






DRAMATIC ZOOM IN!


BOSS FIGHT: Angry Mob & Alphamiden Gigas (with text commentary again due to audio issues).

Gigas: DIE YOU PESKY FLIES!

So this is the last new enemy type we find in this chapter, the Gigas. Gigaii (Gigases?) are just elaborate Troll/Giant pallet swaps. Common Gigaii weak against stabbing attacks.

Gigas enemies are miniboss characters. You will never encounter a random Gigas out in a field. They will be sprinkled throughout some of the later dungeons in strategic locations, but by and large you won’t find them outside of plot areas and online quests.

Certain human enemies will whip out a Gigas after they’re defeated. They’re essentially the cheap version of Knights.

There’s also many different types of Gigaii with completely different styles. This Gigas, the Alphamiden Gigas, is based off a wolf.




So what do we do now? That’s right, whip out the White Knight!

Leonard: O Wizel, white warrior, wielder of the ancient sword, grant me your power…


Leonard: Verto!








Leonard: We’ll see who laughs last!


Leonard: I don’t know if I can stop her!
Gigas: ARE YOU EVEN TRYING?!
Yulie: She’s as tough as the Knight!


And down she goes…




CUTSCENE: The Gigas Falls

Gigas: AUAAAAAAAAAAGH!








The Gigas begins to disintegrate into purple energy…


…Leaving only our dancer/assassin behind.


Take a dirt nap, babe.


Assassin: Curse you…


The party rushes up to her lifeless body to finish the job with a good curbstomping.


You came to the wrong neighbourhood…




CUTSCENE: Kara & The Magi
CUTSCENE MUSIC: “Kara's Theme” (Unreleased Track)


Well that’s nice. They took the person who just tried to kill them to a nice hotel room to rest and recover.

Did you guys do any of that for the rest of the angry mob who tried to murder you?

No?

You just left then out there in the dirt?

Classy.






Leonard: Hey there.

If that isn’t a look that says “fuck my life,” I don’t know what is.


Assassin (?): You people!

She has a perfectly nature reaction to waking up and finding yourself in a room with Leonard: shock and anger.




Assassin (?): Tell me… what happened?


Eldore: The gigas had almost completely taken over.


Probably-Not-An-Assassin: Gigas?


Eldore: You made a pact with a gigas. It was eating into your soul, bit by bit.


Eldore: Eventually it would have consumed you completely.
Probably-Not-An-Assassin: Yes. I remember feeling trapped.


Eldore: You’re safe now. As for the beast you made a pact with, we dispatched it. I promise you, it will trouble you no more.


Definitely-Not-An-Assassin: Thank you.


Leonard: I wish you would just explain. Why do all this?


Dancer: Our town Albana… it was invaded, by a vile group all clad in black armour. Don Phibianacci usually protects the peace here… but they paid him off and did what they wanted.


Leonard: Did these people in the black armour tell you… to kill me?
Dancer: Yes.


Yulie: And you said “yeah, sure,” just like that?


Dancer: No! Of course not!


Dancer: The soldiers took my sister Lena hostage. …They threatened to kill her if I did not do what they said.


Eldore: And how it is you came by a gigas?
Dancer: They forced me to take it. They said I must use it when I fought you.
Leonard: That’s terrible.


Leonard: Hey, listen! Do you know where their monoship was headed? It was black. Anything you can tell us will help.


Behind him, the maid whips around when she hears ‘monoship.’


Maid: I saw it!

Fun fact: the maid’s name is actually Mermin, and you can find her (or at the very least her character model) behind the counter at Albana’s Adventurer’s Guild. Though funnily enough, she doesn’t actually run the Guild outlet.


Leonard: Oh, really? You’re sure?!


Maid: Of course!


Maid: What do you take me for, you impudent pup!

On the one hand, your hair is stupid. On the other, you’re voiced by Laura Bailey and you’re being a dick to Leonard, so all told, you’re alright in my books lady.


Leonard: Alright. Sorry.


Leonard: Can you tell us when this was?


Maid: Just yesterday.


Maid: It was this huge black ship descending towards the ruins in the south. Though I can’t imagine why.


Eldore: Then my suspicions were right. The Magi want something at those ruins.




Leonard: We have to go after them!
Orren: I swear, if you say any combination of “Princess” and/or “Cisna”—


Dancer: Please, take me with you.


She rises to her feet.

Leonard: Huh?


Kara: My name is Kara. I didn’t do what they told me to do…


Kara: My sister… They will kill her.


Kara: If you are going to confront these Magi, it may be my only chance to save her!


Eldore: Or a second chance to try and kill us.
Orren: If I don’t decide just to do it first.


Leonard: Eldore!
Leonard: …And other guy.
Orren: Orren. My name is Or—
Eldore: Shut up, Niles!


Kara: No! I swear I won’t!


Kara: Please believe me!


Eldore: Hmmm…


Kara: She’ll die! You must take me with you.


Kara: I beg you.


Leonard: Yes. I believe you.


Eldore: *sigh* …As you wish.
Eldore: Welcome aboard, Miss Fine.
Kara: Thank yo—wait, what?
Orren: Ignore him.


CUTSCENE MUSIC: “New Allies” (Unreleased Track)


And that’s it for this chapter.


Well, look at it this way: he was already traveling with someone who harboured thoughts of maybe killing him at their leisure, so why not take on another one.

Something about her told me I was going to like this Kara an awful lot.

…I think it was her pulling a knife on Leonard.

That was just sweet.

• 8.1 - Entering the Desert
  
• 8.2 - The Gates of Albana
  
• 8.3 - The Desert Town of Albana
  
• 8.4 - The Dancer
  
• 8.5 - Barroom Brawl
  
• 8.6 - We Want You Dead.
  
• 8.7 - Adveni!
  
• 8.i - Angry Mob & Alphamiden Gigas Boss Fight
  
• 8.8 - The Gigas Falls
  
• 8.9 - Kara & The Magi

THE LAGNISH DESERT


THE DESERT TOWN OF ALBANA